:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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