you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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