Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
