I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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