There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize