Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
