Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
