someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
