Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
