We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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