i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
