My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
