Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
