I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
