his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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