dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
