i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
