The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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