zippers are such a cool invention
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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