I just saw a hot homeless man
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
