im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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