u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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