Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
