I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I party with great urgency now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
