I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize