i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
