He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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