Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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