Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit