just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever