I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
