I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
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Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!