if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
