does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
