Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
