maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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