Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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