I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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