If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize