i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
