I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
