i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
