I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
