i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
