im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize