i just had sex bonerless
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
