I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
