and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
