sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
