I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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