If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
