Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
