Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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