He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
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I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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