I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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