I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
