How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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