I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
In America we eat man semen.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
