Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
