I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize