that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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