She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
