2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
