Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
