Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
