you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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