Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
