If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm passing your future prison.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
