mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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