TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
