if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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