Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
