her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
