The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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