Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
where are you?
Hypothermia
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
