do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
