Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize