yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
