1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
