In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
