maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
