i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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