Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
